The other night I spent almost a couple hours on a sex-wares website. A few different ones, actually. I had been on the lookout for sales since I've wanted to buy a dildo for more than a few months now. For reasons. -shrugs shoulders-
On this particular site, there was a 30% off deal and you'd get two free items, one of which was a mystery, a good bonus I thought. The dildo was easy to pick, I went with a standard beginners medical grade silicone, medium-firm, "realistic" feeling 8-inch All-American dong. (Cue fanfare and exclamation points, it felt that cheesy, ha) In order to get free toy number one, I had to spend a few extra dollars, which I thought, eh, while I'm here, why not? And picked out a toy cleaner, being responsible and all, then added condoms, because.. Reasons. Ending up still a couple dollars short of the free toy bonus because of the 30% off. Man! You guys are finicky! -sighs- FINE.. Let's see what I can do here..
THEN.. I had the creeping bravery-slash-curiosity feeling coming up and thought, "huh, I wonder how a butt plug feels."
Fast forward two days, my goodies arrive in the mail. I pulled out everything and laid them on my bed and proceeded to read all the writings ever on all the purchases. The bonus toy was a mini-vibe with three different head attachments, they're soft feeling, a light blue color, and required one AA battery. The other bonus toy was a mystery toy that turned out to be a wired vibrating egg, hard plastic and pink, requires two AAA batteries and doesn't appear to be waterproof. I decided to leave that one in the bag, it didn't appeal much to me. Besides the mini-vibe looked easier to use.
A quick once over of the package of condoms, tossing that aside, then read the toy cleanser, eh, simple enough. I proceeded to open the plastic container that housed my brand new dick, after a quick analysis, noticed a teensy-weeny flaw, and that it had factory dust on it. Yup, gotta clean that! And put it back in the box.
I finally came to it.
The anal plug.
It took awhile picking this one out. As a super-beginner, who, not too long ago had anal play on my hard list, is now an owner of my own butt plug. I didn't want one that was too small, and definitely didn't want one that would cause my intestines to plop out of my anus. Too many scary pictures of anal prolapse.
Yup, it's a thing. -shudders- (rabbit-trails to the dark corners of the internet is a stupidly brave thing to do, ha)
ANYWAY..
After reading a lot of reviews, I decided to go with the Doc Johnson Mood - Naughty 1 Silicone Anal Plug, size Large. (A few reviews complained the small was too small and after comparison to trainers, the large was almost the same size as the first plug in the trainer sets.)
There it was.
I try out the mini-vibe and realize I won't have a problem. I then decide everything needs a washing. Into the shower we go! The dildo had a nice suction cup feature on it so I popped it onto the wall and quickly get familiar with it. (Ooo, I feel naughty, huehuehue) Hey, this is all a science experiment. Serious faces and white lab coats, please.
As I'm drying off from my quick shower, I grabbed my butt plug and sit on my bed. A quick realization and check with google, I don't have the appropriate lube. The only one I have is a White Elephant gag gift of Astroglide X Silicone lube.. Not exactly safe for silicone on silicone... I wasn't about to give up tho, I don't have lube handy, because I never had issues with.. -cheeks flush-
So, I decide to pop it in one hole to try some of my own "homemade" lube and see if it'll be satisfactory to ease into the other hole. (Don't judge.) It wasn't enough. Ah, fuck it. The widest part isn't much larger than my regular sized shit. So I decide to go in dry, like a bad-ass. Fuck yeah! :|
Lying down on my bed, I gently ease it in, as to avoid the horror stories of ripping anal sphincter. -shudders again-
"Huh." I thought as I go into extreme clinical mode once it was in place. I was mentally comparing it to the one time I had anal sex (recently, in another experiment.) "Nope, definitely not the same. Let's see how it feels sitting up." Sat up on the bed. "Can't really feel it inside, just on the anus." Stands up now. "Will I feel it walking?" Takes a couple steps... My little walk around my room concludes that I can't really determine if I feel "full" as so many proclaims to feel with an object in their ass, or if I needed to poop.
I decide to leave my plug in to see how it feels after a while. At this point I decide to venture out of my troll-cave and make some food. The housemate walks into the kitchen and we have a chat. My internal dialouge goes something like this:
Oh hey, housemate!
Oshit oshit, keep it cool.
Pokerface.
Don't blow your cover.
Nobody knows.
You got this, just keep making your food.
Oh wait, is my ass burning?
At this point, apparently my anus started to feel like it was burning. I had a brief moment of panic as I went through the list of possible causes, such as, allergic reaction to material, the skin friction due to dryness, or anal leakage. That last one was a terrible thought. Forcing to mentally choose that it was just dryness/friction, I grab my food and sit in my chair out on the back patio. Soon enough the sensation subsides and I don't worry anymore.
Returning to my cave another predicament was rearing its head.
"Do I have to poop soon? Or is it the plug?" A few minutes pass..
"No, that's a new feeling, I think I gotta go." But I quickly remember anal sex. I felt like I was shitting on the dick fucking me and was super embarrassed the whole time.
"Yup, like anal, this feeling's like that time I had anal." A few more minutes pass.
"Nope." Run to the bathroom.
At this point I don't even worry about tearing and pull the plug out, turn on the faucet, drop the plug under the water, then do my business. That was a close one, whew!
I decide my experiment wasn't quite over, so after cleaning both the plug and my ass, I ease it back in and go back to dinking around on my computer.
Maybe about 30 minutes later, my stomach growls and I feel the all too familiar bubble traverse my intestines.
"This is gonna be interesting," I thought, "where's it gonna go if there's a plug? Am I gonna have to pull it out to fart? Or shift it sideways to let it squeak out?" At this point I don't want to mess with my plug any more than I had to, but I can feel the bubble growing. I shift in my seat on my couch and feel a squeak.
"The fuck was that?" Shifting again, more poofs and pffs. A really confused face develops. Putting the pieces together.. The wheels turning..
"The plug is shaped in such a way that it fits in your ass nicely. The tapered bulb with a stem and a flared base. The stem comfortably fills your anal sphincter and the bulb sits right on top of that sphincter, the flare on the other side... Apparently as I shift my body, the bulb will shift accordingly and air will pass, so I won't have to pull the plug out or to the side." And the puzzle is complete. Fuck.
Dance.
If you have a butt plug in, you gotta do a fart dance to get the air out.
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