I can truly see the hand of God move so evidently.
As some of you know, I'm going to Gallaudet University less than a week from now. But most of you don't really know the story of how that came about. I didn't really want to go in the first place.
It all started when I almost killed myself my sophomore year at Eugene Bible College (now known as New Hope Christian College).
When I was a freshman there, everything was smooth. God's peace was in my life and He was showing me powerful things and speaking over my life. Although, as my second year started, the first couple of months were great.... then everything went downhill for some reason. God's peace was absent. And whenever God's peace is absent, it meant that I was not aligned according to His will.
It happened when I was pretty depressed and sick. I had a bad ear infection and was already taking pain-killers for it. Being depressed only made things worse and I gave into my temptation to take more pills, which made me more delusional. I remember seeing a bloody battle around me, and I remembered that they were angels and demons fighting viciously. Once I realized that I put my life in danger, I told on myself. I was angry and scared at the same time. Soon after, I decided it was time to come home and leave school.
The entirety of the next year (2010) was frustrating. Because I would look for work, and at times I would lose motivation because I didn't have a job in a while and wasn't able to find any. I couldn't do anything and there was nothing to do. So, it came to a point where I basically came before God angry and frustrated. I asked Him why I was supposed to go to EBC in the first place if I wasn't going to finish there? I asked Him what was it He wanted me to do? I questioned if I was deceiving myself the whole time about my reasons for going to EBC in the first place, was I chasing someone? Was my passions truly from Jesus? I couldn't even understand why someone like Jesus would love me? Die for me? Even care for me? Why?
"God, close all the doors but the only one You want me to go through. Even if it's something I don't necessarily like or understand or am motivated towards, if it's an opportunity, I will take it. I will follow You in faith. Lord, I don't want to waste any more time in my life doing things that aren't according to Your will. But whatever You want me to do, You'll have to provide, I can't afford anything as I can't get a job at all, and my parents cannot support me, their jobs are extremely unstable, being laid off every two or three months. I'm not going through student loans again. You have to provide everything that I'll need, I can't do it by myself. I'm letting go now and I'm trusting in You. Show me what You want me to do."
That was my heart's cry. That was my prayer.
Around wintertime of 2010, I went to an agency forum, and started thinking that I should become a social worker. I didn't really like the idea of becoming a social worker, I'm selfish. But nonetheless, I decided that I should explore that area a little. Basically because there was a need for knowledgeable and professional Deaf/Hard of Hearing Social Worker, and I could fill that need. God was showing me an opportunity to take.
"Really? You want me to do this? I don't really have the motivation for it, but hey, I trust in You."
So I went and talked with my vocational rehabilitation counselor and told her that I would like to be a Social worker that worked specifically with Deaf and Hard of Hearing people and that Gallaudet (pronounced gal-uh-det) University would be the best place to do that, as it is the only Liberal Arts university in the world that was made specifically to cater to Deaf people. That means every single class is taught in sign-language and everything is "deaf-friendly". So it would be perfect for me, not only to learn more about the culture, but because I'm hard of hearing myself and sign-language is my primary language.
Being impatient, I wanted to start right away. Obviously God was not having that. I started to push and push and kept meeting obstacles, becoming more frustrated. Once again, God reminded me of my prayer. I repented and let go of the reins.
Since then, God has manifested Himself so clearly in the way things happened. I was given an opportunity to gain some experience in a service agency with a paid internship. I was able to go visit the campus in Washington, DC for a week. I gained enough merit to achieve a Dean's Scholarship from Gallaudet, which is half-off of my tuition. I was blessed with Financial Aid and I'm receiving support from Vocational Rehab for four years. As of right now, everything is paid for in full. Tuition, books, room, boarding, transportation, new hearing aids, and I even got a brand-stinkin'-new laptop. I have been on the verge of tears for the past week. I'm almost overwhelmed. God is so faithful to those He calls!
So, if you're at a place in your life where you're questioning everything. Try asking Jesus to help you let go of control. Ask Him to help you trust in Him. Ask Jesus to open your eyes to opportunities that He wants you to take, and take them. Even if it's not exactly something you like. God can build motivation in your heart. He will prove Himself faithful in every way imaginable. Take a risk on Jesus, it's worth it.
Listen to this song while you think about it: "Come Away" by Jesus Culture.
-Emily
As some of you know, I'm going to Gallaudet University less than a week from now. But most of you don't really know the story of how that came about. I didn't really want to go in the first place.
It all started when I almost killed myself my sophomore year at Eugene Bible College (now known as New Hope Christian College).
When I was a freshman there, everything was smooth. God's peace was in my life and He was showing me powerful things and speaking over my life. Although, as my second year started, the first couple of months were great.... then everything went downhill for some reason. God's peace was absent. And whenever God's peace is absent, it meant that I was not aligned according to His will.
It happened when I was pretty depressed and sick. I had a bad ear infection and was already taking pain-killers for it. Being depressed only made things worse and I gave into my temptation to take more pills, which made me more delusional. I remember seeing a bloody battle around me, and I remembered that they were angels and demons fighting viciously. Once I realized that I put my life in danger, I told on myself. I was angry and scared at the same time. Soon after, I decided it was time to come home and leave school.
The entirety of the next year (2010) was frustrating. Because I would look for work, and at times I would lose motivation because I didn't have a job in a while and wasn't able to find any. I couldn't do anything and there was nothing to do. So, it came to a point where I basically came before God angry and frustrated. I asked Him why I was supposed to go to EBC in the first place if I wasn't going to finish there? I asked Him what was it He wanted me to do? I questioned if I was deceiving myself the whole time about my reasons for going to EBC in the first place, was I chasing someone? Was my passions truly from Jesus? I couldn't even understand why someone like Jesus would love me? Die for me? Even care for me? Why?
"God, close all the doors but the only one You want me to go through. Even if it's something I don't necessarily like or understand or am motivated towards, if it's an opportunity, I will take it. I will follow You in faith. Lord, I don't want to waste any more time in my life doing things that aren't according to Your will. But whatever You want me to do, You'll have to provide, I can't afford anything as I can't get a job at all, and my parents cannot support me, their jobs are extremely unstable, being laid off every two or three months. I'm not going through student loans again. You have to provide everything that I'll need, I can't do it by myself. I'm letting go now and I'm trusting in You. Show me what You want me to do."
That was my heart's cry. That was my prayer.
Around wintertime of 2010, I went to an agency forum, and started thinking that I should become a social worker. I didn't really like the idea of becoming a social worker, I'm selfish. But nonetheless, I decided that I should explore that area a little. Basically because there was a need for knowledgeable and professional Deaf/Hard of Hearing Social Worker, and I could fill that need. God was showing me an opportunity to take.
"Really? You want me to do this? I don't really have the motivation for it, but hey, I trust in You."
So I went and talked with my vocational rehabilitation counselor and told her that I would like to be a Social worker that worked specifically with Deaf and Hard of Hearing people and that Gallaudet (pronounced gal-uh-det) University would be the best place to do that, as it is the only Liberal Arts university in the world that was made specifically to cater to Deaf people. That means every single class is taught in sign-language and everything is "deaf-friendly". So it would be perfect for me, not only to learn more about the culture, but because I'm hard of hearing myself and sign-language is my primary language.
Being impatient, I wanted to start right away. Obviously God was not having that. I started to push and push and kept meeting obstacles, becoming more frustrated. Once again, God reminded me of my prayer. I repented and let go of the reins.
Since then, God has manifested Himself so clearly in the way things happened. I was given an opportunity to gain some experience in a service agency with a paid internship. I was able to go visit the campus in Washington, DC for a week. I gained enough merit to achieve a Dean's Scholarship from Gallaudet, which is half-off of my tuition. I was blessed with Financial Aid and I'm receiving support from Vocational Rehab for four years. As of right now, everything is paid for in full. Tuition, books, room, boarding, transportation, new hearing aids, and I even got a brand-stinkin'-new laptop. I have been on the verge of tears for the past week. I'm almost overwhelmed. God is so faithful to those He calls!
So, if you're at a place in your life where you're questioning everything. Try asking Jesus to help you let go of control. Ask Him to help you trust in Him. Ask Jesus to open your eyes to opportunities that He wants you to take, and take them. Even if it's not exactly something you like. God can build motivation in your heart. He will prove Himself faithful in every way imaginable. Take a risk on Jesus, it's worth it.
Listen to this song while you think about it: "Come Away" by Jesus Culture.
-Emily
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